'I've never had a better coffee'
Virender Sehwag's been reduced to miming cricket shots - just like the rest of us.
We have so much in common! Bet he pretends he's Virender Sehwag as well. It's probably easier for him, though.
Ravi Bopara's also been doing without the real thing. He's been reduced to video-game cricket.
How's it going, Ravi?
Doesn't he know anything? Cricketers play FIFA. England may not have won much on the pitch in India, but two members of their party will at least take home the Kanpur Vase Cup.
The Kanpur Vase Cup? Which is it? A vase or a cup?
Speaking of cups, Kevin Pietersen's remains filled with exactly what you'd expect.
Viv Richards gave us so much. You wouldn't think he could do much more. Then this…
Despite the sweat, this sounds rather less hot.
And in terms of style, the jury's out on this one.
Whereas it doesn't get much cooler than this. Mark Richardson's hit the big time in his new job.
Ed Cowan has some tips for us, the first involving his daughter.
He also knows a thing or two about economical personal grooming.
Life's not all plain sailing, though. He still has to engage with every cricketer's worst nightmare… air travel.
Morne's not happy either.
Nor do things improve for cricketers in retirement.
You've got to feel for the airports really. They're the ones who have to deal with all these irate sportsmen.
But at least there's always the eventual silver lining of yet another opportunity for an in-flight selfie.
Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket